Family dynamics can be tricky, often layered with allegiances and primal urges to protect and defend those close to us. Mirabella says that staying aware of who is closeby can protect us from uncomfortable situations. “Keep in mind who will be attending these family functions and who is around you when you interact directly with the person with whom you have an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, there may be family members who try to stir the pot to create more conflict or issues between the two of you.”
And while you may be inclined to involve other family members in a quest for support or validation, Mirabella urges you to resist. “It may lead to having others feel they need to pick sides.” She also says to keep in mind that although there may be some people there who know how hard this relationship is for you, “Do not have expectations that they act or behave a certain way towards the person you do not get along with.”
“Keeping all these things in mind will allow you to create a safe place, even in an environment you are not truly comfortable in,” Mirabella explains. “It will reduce your expectations of others, build awareness, [keep you from falling] into toxic traps, and create the space and boundaries needed to get through the situation in a healthy way. Remember the people you trust and whom you consider your support system during the difficult times of navigating with these relationships. Eventually, the long-term goal should be to have an effective conversation with the other person to discuss the issues, feelings ,emotions, and resentments created to hopefully begin repairing that relationship as best as possible!”
To learn more about Maria A. Mirabella, LMFT, visit her website or her Psychology Today profile. To keep up with her, follow her on Facebook and Instagram.